LyfeStile: School Dinners Need Revising - By Style Editor Leonie Lyfe

The experiment to encourage school children to eat meals made from proper ingredients is past its sell-by date and in an unexpected twizzle of fate, education authorities are reverting back to a non-stop offering of burgers, mechanically removed turkey meat products dripping in saturated fat and chips, chips and more chips.

Although educationalists have complained that children are missing their afternoon lessons, because they are still picking their way through rocket and mizuna leaves at two o'clock or trying to chew their way through tofu and pine nut roast well into double maths; fashionistas point out that the reversal is driven by style. Just like fashion colour schemes, designers have tried every colour under the sun to be "the new black", they always come back to square one in the end.

The same appears to be true with teenage diets. Instead of black, just substitute burgers and chips. We've had nettle and borage risotto as the new burger, roasted butternut squash and organic quail breast confit as the new burger. We've even had slow grown ostrich testicles sauteed with wild field mushrooms served on a bed of plutonium infused samphire cooked in a nitrogen freezer as the new burger. But at the end of the day, you cannot get away from the fact that children just love to eat little black dresses (surely burgers? - ed)