Banjo-Spanked Donkey Sues Football Pundit

Central Courts, London. Today a donkey, Mr Clippety-Clop, from Skegness was in the courts in a claim for damages under a very obscure copyright law. The defendant, Mr Terry Bull-Defending, the well-known soccer analyst on the BBCs Saturday night flagship highlights show, Goals, Fouls and Cards is accused of stealing catchphrases.

Solicitor representing the donkey, Mr E C Dough explained on the steps to the courts, "It all started when Bull-Defending suggested that leading striker, Alan Sheep-Shearer, who had wasted a series of wide-open chances on goal - that he couldn't hit a donkey's arse with a banjo. It was unfortunate because the Skegness plodder had already coined the phrase. Because he was a notorious slowcoach on the seafront promenade, frequently refusing to even budge from stationary, his owner had hung a sign around the donkey's neck and left an old stringed instrument nearby. The sign invited the child jockeys to hit the donkey on the backside with the musical instrument to encourage a bit of momentum."

But Bull-Defending remained confident. He explained the loophole his lawyers had identified, "we are aware that the unusual musical riding crop is actually a ukulele."

The case continues, but heaven only knows why.