Short Term Mammary Loss

An Oxfordshire lady had an appalling experience yesterday, local newswires fictate. Mrs Doris Globes of Didcot woke to find that her breasts had gone. "I was in bits," she cried to local reporter Don Oxon, "I was sure they were there when I went to bed and I was convinced we'd been burgled in the night."

"I looked everywhere, the fridge, the sideboard, even in the bathroom but my breasts were gone." A doctor was called in an emergency and after a good couple of hours he was relieved to solve the enigma.

Dr Oktar said, "We'd been looking all over the house when by chance I opened the wheelie bin and found them there. Apparently Mrs Globes had thrown them out with some cheese that had gone past the sell-by date."

Mrs Globes was mightily relieved to get her breasts back. "It was such a joy. My husband and I love chicken quarters and we'd hoped to roast them for supper. It is pleasing to find that it was an honest mistake. I was so sure I'd left them out on the draining board, I was beginning to think my memory had gone."

But there was a word of warning from Dr Oktar, "Mrs Globes should remember not to store meat and cheese on the same shelf in the fridge. It's not the hygeine I'm worried about though, it's the danger that this could happen again when one is out of code and both end up in the trash by mistake. Cheese and meat have very different shelf lives."

Mrs Globes was suitably admonished. Ministers said they were pleased at the happy outcome and held a photo opportunity.