Research Filler - By Mike Filla

Today our fax was bombarded with specially commissioned research and the Ed has space to fill - so here goes...

Cancer Research Charity, Tululous today says that 99% of everything we eat gives us cancer and spokesman for the charity suggests we simply put our housekeeping money straight into the buckets placed outside Sainsbury's.

Supermarket group, Tinz n' Packs 4 Less, say the above is rubbish, 99% of the time.

Home builders, Jerry Bilt and Co say house prices going up, whilst Estate Agency, Millstone, Rounda and Neck say they are going down. Building Society, Thin Solvency Bank say they should go up again, pleeese, or we're bust or else.

Tenuously linked (and dubiously reserved) Insurance Group, OurRiskIsUR-Risk who sponsored a study on pet diets just to get some publicity oxygen say, 14.6328% of cats actually get fed dog food by mistake at least 17.2993% of the time. That's up 1.63% since last time.

The Office of Statistics, Lies and Untruths said today that 106% of newspaper space is filled with made up studies. That might look odd, but apparently that includes VAT.