Gargle With Garlic and Live Forever

Scientists have somehow generated statistics that suggest vaguely of a correlation between a daily oral swill of garlic juice and eternal life. Dr Oktar of the New Labs Statistics Bureau explained that tests in Israel on Messrs Moses and Methuselah of the new treatment had proved promising in extending life. Even better news is that it may even allow reincarnation to occur. “We found this body in a cave stone dead. With a quick waft of the garlic elixir we had him up and running for a short while but the formula wasn’t quite right. The patient, Mr J Christ, had started to feel faint again, but in his last days indicated that he hoped for a proper second coming.”

Critics were quick to point out potential flaws in the study. One such killjoy, Professor Cy Nick, suggested that the statistical study was poor and had failed to rule out extraneous factors which could be equally, if not more, important in the extension to life. “There is just as much evidence that an absence of discourse or social contact can reduce mortality and garlic is strongly correlated with both of those things. The same result could be achieved if we all went to the Isle of Arran, put on a big sweater and sat in a cave.”