University Gets New Extension

The University of Thurrock (Lakeside) has suffered for years because of inadequate facilities, lacking a world class particle accelerator cyclotron, a leading gene slicing laboratory and a high tension lightning chamber like every other university.

The new extension will not solve these problems but it will allow the university more time to sign up its first student. Principal David Bockham explained that universities were suffering from both a lack of facilities and a lack of students. There are now 19.7 million universities in Britain which is nearly three per student. Hearing from the Education minister about the clemency Bockham cheered, “This is marvellous news as it will mean that we may get our first student sometime soon and won’t have to close. Bit of a pisser over the cyclotron though.”

The UoT specialises in popular modern degree courses in Retail Therapy and Credit Card Debt Counselling. It has never offered courses in Physics or Biology as they are proving too challenging for students and therefore a complete waste of time.