Cabinet awarded gongs

England Cricket, Rugby and Soccer captains, Michael Vaughan, Martin Corry and David Beckham announced today that following a successful year, doing their jobs, more or less, the entire cabinet will be nominated for awards. Just as the Ashes winning team all won awards in 2005 and the football team may do this year, it was felt that the cabinet should be similarly awarded gongs. The junior members will get CBEs whilst the Home Secretary, Foreign Secretary and Chancellor all get KBEs. The Prime Minister receives a new award by his own design SROU, the supreme ruler of the universe.

Said Vaughan, "it is a British tradition to hand an entire team awards after doing their jobs for a short period and we are all proud of their achievements over the year."

Voxpop pollsters interviewed Joe Ordinary on the streets of many major cities who agreed. "They should all be bloody knighted. It's a fantastic performance. Britain is riding on the tidal wave of adrenaline and goodwill following their successes in doing their jobs."

Rugby World Cup winning manager, Sir Clive Woodward said, "If I had had my way they would all be made Lords." But the Prime Minister played this down joking, "that's going a bit far! You need to pay for that! Anyway, when our careers are over, we'll all get Lordships or Baronetcies anyway."