"Fannying Around" now a prohibited activity.

Home Secretary announced today new plans to abolish fannying around. Carlos T Jackal said in a statement given at the Mansion House that all forms of dithering, procrastinating and time-wasting and most particulalry fannying around would be made illegal. Anyone taking their time over something or being a bit over-careful would face the prospect of a £50 fixed penalty notice and a FABO - a fannying around banning order.

"There's far too much pingling and general irresolute hesitancy," he said, "it's small wonder anything actually ever gets done."

But opposition leaders warned of dire consequences to unemployment. Shadow Home Office Minister, Lady Fffarquar-ffrench faffed, "Without hour upon hour of dispalcement activity, inaction and fiddling about, jobs will get done three times as quick and we could see the dole queue rise to five million. Efficiency is the enemy of the British worker."

Critics also pointed out that as Parliament has spent much of the last hundred years acheieving bugger all, the new laws may lead to shutting down the Palace of Westminster. In the light of this, Jackal agreed to review his position in due course when he could be bothered to get round to it.