Stats Body Privatised

The Institute of National Statistics have long been criticised for being a waste of public money because their output is so variable and misleading. Some days they can say that unemployment is both rising and falling depending on the way you look at it. The Opposition had called for them to be privatised and to find new revenue streams (something the Chancellor has been requesting for years). Well, now they have.

The INS's first venture is to design car dashboards and the dials mounted therein. The new INS speedometer no longer gives a point value for your spped but more helpfully gives a range. "I am 95% confident you are travelling between 50 and 70mph" it will helpfully advise. "Your fuel tank could be rising or falling depending on whether you turn to the right or left" is another which confirms what we have all seen when the tank is low. The Rev Counter will be renamed the Indutrial Output Meter and the Temperature Gauge will be the Ecomonic Indicator. In the event of overheating, the driver is warned to put on the brakes or there will be a danger of run away radiator inflation.

Road Ministers are delighted. Said Traffic Spokesman, Gareth Gatso, "these new motoring instruments are so vague we are bound to increase revenue from speeding tickets and roadside cameras."