“It’s like getting a cork into a pint pot!”, by our novice 16 yr old reporter Shane Nobrane.

Local parking restrictions are being imposed in our town centre restricting vehicle size in High Street parking bays. Posh townspeople with big cars with all the wheels going round at the same time (forby fours – are they?) are up in arms over this infringement of their civil liberties. Lady Fartington-Shooting-Brake stood by her unparked Range Rover tutting furiously. “How is one to pop into the butchers for my normal half a score of quails eggs with these parking fascists refusing to let me block up the road with my huge motor?”

Councillor Pete T Pooper responded, “The simple fact is that our high street is very narrow and if one of these cars is parked up, it is impossible for farmers to get their tractors through or lorry drivers to get their artics along it. As you know they prefer to use the high street rather than the by-pass because that is such a long way round and what with the price of fuel these days. You simply cannot drive these four by fours up our tiny streets.” Then he added, “its like trying to get a cork into a pint pot.” Or so I thought I heard him add.