Ugly Politician Admits to Mistress

Winner of ugliest man in the world prize seven years in a row, Mr Jabba Hutt, Minister for Tinkering, admitted to being somewhat bemused when newspapers revealed he had conducted a long term affair. Hutt explained, "I just been munching though a dozen meat pies with baked beans at the breakfast table when I sees meself in the Mirror supposedly having had extra marriageable affairs. Nothing could be further from the truthfulnesses. Its a pack of cards - I mean lies - I haven't never strayed from my one true love."

The alleged mistress, Mrs Pasty from Cornwall worked as a private secretary and admitted to a relationship but said it was purely platonic. She explained that although they had spent many hours together it was all time spent improving Mr Hutt's oral skills which weren't really up to much. She also said she was astonished at the suggestion that they had been lovers. "Give over, you don't think I could share a bed with that could you?"

But Mr Hutt fuelled speculation that they had enjoyed fetishistic relations by producing the bag Mrs Pasty had insisted on wearing.

The Daily Piffle says, Phwoar, Mrs Pasty...parliamentary stunna...see pictures of her on Page 3.