St Pauls' Cathedral To Be Remodelled under EU Law

Work begins immediately on the reshaping of the iconic dome of St Pauls' Cathedral in London. New EU directives have come into force which no-longer permit rounded sections on church buildings. The Ecclesiatical Establishments (squaring off thereof) Regulations 2006 EU Directive 22456637 require all churches and cathedrals to be harmonised to the Euro standard square shape. This is all part of the overarching Oecumenical Tesselation Directive from 2004.

Large cranes will fill the skyline of Paternoster Square carrying huge bastards which will be used to file down the rounded dome. However, in a rare concession, St Pauls' will not have to be fully squared off and will be allowed to merely be hexagonalised. EU Ministers have already granted an exemption to the lantern towers of Ely Cathedral which are octagonal already. Ely had to win a protracted court battle, citing and loophole in the regulations. Bishop of Ely explained that as octagons already tesselate and no further work was required.

UK-Oo-E? (United Kingdom Out of Europe?) party compained bitterly last night. "This is just another law designed to homogenise Europe, and it always seems that the UK is the country has to give the concessions." Europe Culture Minister, Jacques Tatty, who just happens to be French said in response, "I durnt knur what yur min, har, har. Why dur the Eengleesh ullwas sink there is a cunspiracee?" and helped himself to another vat of Bollinger.